Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
