some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
