Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize