Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
