he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
