still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
