so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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