my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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