what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
