Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
