My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
