All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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