I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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