If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
