i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
