I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
