i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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