i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
