I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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