He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize