If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
