I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
