I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
