Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
