Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
