is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize