He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
