So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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