i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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