I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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