Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
