Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
