So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
