I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
