Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
