I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
