Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
