my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
