Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
