alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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