I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
zippers are such a cool invention
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
