you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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