Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
