after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
