I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
