a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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