38 yer olds are good kisserssss
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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