My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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