I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
