I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
