because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
