I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
