Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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