im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
