Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize