would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
