100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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