I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
