i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
