it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
