I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
