She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
