I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
