First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
