So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
