I wish i was in the wii world.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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