i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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